I finallly went to Machu Picchu, which is Peru's most famous site. Pictures of it inspired me to travel. I was like I need to see things like this in my life. There is a whole world out there filled with amazing experiences that I need to be a part of it. Can't be one of those people who don't know nothing thats not on the block they grew up on. Then I end up going to Peru so knew I had to make the voyage. My trip started Monday with a two hour bus ride and then two hour train ride to Aguas Calientes (the city where Machu Picchu is located). There was no one to pick me up from the station so I had to make my own way to the hostel. When I get to the hostel there is no one at reception so I eventually decide after a 10 minute wait that I was going to go throu the building until I find some kind of staff to give me some kind of room key. This is when I come to find my frineds that I am supposed to meet up with and the very drunk guide who didn´t met me at the train station. The night continued to be frustrating and tiring, but I will only give you the highlights.
The very drunk guide had no idea who I was or that I was supposed to join the group. He kept on saying that he had my entrace ticket to Macchu Picchu, then said he did not, then reintroduced himself to me like he had never met me. This happened about seven times. Thou this did not stop him from looking at my thighs. Now I had already paid for my $45 entrance to Machu Picchu and was ready to cuss him out in English and the little Spanish I know. But I have a strict policy of not arguing with drunk people. Its like if you argue with a child. What do I look like arguing with someone I know don´t got no sense. He had to be escorted to the ticket booth and fronted the money to buy my ticket becuase he still did not remember that I was a part of the group.
While all this was happening, the group went out for dinner where I was sitting next to a white male who was very pro-american (and also drunk thou not inebriated). I heard him debating with some other hikers in the group and was saying some ignorant things that I strongly disagreed with. But with the same reasoning as the drunk guide, I was not trying to have a debate with someone who blindly argued and didn´t have much sense of how other people lived in America. I knew that reasoning would not mean anything becuase his point in talking was to exercise his privilege as a white man.
Then he said that Puerto Rico was an example on how the US spread American democracy.
Sigh. (I still didn't argue with him but did give him a dry "No it's not. And it's bankrupt becuase of 'US democracy'." With a so shut up face.)
He also said that JFK was such a good president becuase as a rich white man he could represents the views of everyone, including me a Puerto Rican woman. And that as a woman I should be happy to be in America and receive the type of education I do.
Sigh. Telling myself not to argue with this fool. (Thou I did give him some brief comments it was no where near what he desearved.)
I´m an innercity kid. The American education system doesn´t mean shit to me. And stop as a white man telling me what is good for me. It is your privilege to sit there and think it's ok to tell me what is best. It is your privilege to even think so ignorantly becuase you have not been exposed to the way others live with any kind of understanding. And it is your privilege to walk away from this discussion and think it was a debate while I walk away wondering why I didn´t debate better in your language to make you understand the depth of your privilege and ignorance. And it is a result of your privilege that carry the weight of that burden.
But I did not tell him (all of) this.
And I am stuck between a rock and a hard place becuase I want to give him the full weight of my conviction but I do not want to engage with anyone who I can see will be a waste of my time and energy and the result will be me looking like the angry Puerto Rican woman. And I would be the angry Puerto Rican woman. I know my anger is pride, and I have come to a place where I don´t need to always school white people becuase they come from a place where my anger irrational. Again, its like arguing with a child. And what do I look like. I don't need to prove anything. But that does not change the fact that I walked away from this "debate" with an additional burden and feeling insuffcient in my ability and decision.
On the other hand, this internal struggle is a reflection of my path. Thou I could have easily cussed him out, or less easliy debated with him, I am at a different place in my life then I was in college. (Some of you might remember the raging crazy person who gave political cuss outs on a regular basis). But I decided two years ago that I need to learn how to be quiet and not feel the need to expend my energy of things that don´t matter. I have not come to a place yet where I have learned to balance out these two sides of myself. But I have gotten better. What I do know is that my life, time, and words are valuable and I should share then with people who I care for. If its not coming from a place of love then I don´t want it.
E
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